Last night I struggled to fall asleep again. I’d almost forgotten how frustrating it feels to long for sleep. My body needs rest and my mind agrees so I toss and turn, unable to find stillness. Finally I get up and head for the kitchen, determined to be productive one way or another. I finish the dishes, put on a load of laundry, and start my grocery order. Sleep will come eventually but I’ve learned it’s useless to wrestle with it.
When my daughter and grandson visit, I fall asleep almost instantly when my head hits the pillow! He wants to walk so badly and you can see his frustration with trying and failing. This boy is busy! All day and some nights, he’s in constant motion. Even as my daughter carried him, he jostled and jerked, making visible waves across her abdomen. Keeping pace with him requires every ounce of my mental and physical reserve, so when he and mom go down for the night, I brush my teeth and have my quiet time, reading my Bible and praying, and sleep finds me easily, like a toddler playing hide and seek with a parent.
When my little ones’ dad worked nights, as he often did during his surgical training, I counted on God so I could let much needed rest find me. During his fifth year, we had three under age three and a half. I learned to sleep when and where I could. The first was never one to nap, so when the baby slept, I remember gathering books and toys in the nursery floor and bringing my pillow and lying with my back against the closed door just to close my eyes for a moment. But on those long call nights when I was alone in the house, nerves on high alert, hearing every sound, even exhaustion could not calm me. I memorized two specific scriptures during those years that have stayed with me always, one from the Psalms and one from Isaiah.
“In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.”
Psalms 4:8 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/psa.4.8.NLT
“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!
Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.”
Isaiah 26:3-4 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/isa.26.3-4.NLT
I cannot count the nights I have repeated these verses in my mind or aloud to quiet my own fears. To be a parent is to be responsible for another life outside your own and it is a high calling and a trust. To carry that weight alone is impossible. Family help is such a blessing, but at the end of every day, only my Heavenly Father can carry me.
Now my children are grown, but they still keep me up at night. Sometimes for conversation, often in prayer, and now, even wrangling with a grandchild whose momma desperately needs sleep. Those scriptures I clung to as a young mother still encourage me now. They drive me again and again to the One who carries me.
So I Run To The Father Again and Again and Again and Again~Matt Maher
“I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.”
Psalms 121:1-8 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.121.1-8.NIV
The Savior is waiting…
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