Small Talk

Thomas, who is turning one, has discovered whispering. It started with one of his counting books. When I noticed his attention waning by the number four, I whispered that particular rhyme and since then, each time I read or recite this book, he looks to me for the whispered lines.

This week, in an attempt to still his wiggles long enough for him to slip into a nap, I whispered the word “secret” in his ear over and over in a tick-tock cadence. Now when I ask if I can tell him a secret, this is what he expects. When I lean in for him to whisper to me, he either sniffs or hums loudly in my ear before smiling his biggest smile.

He enjoys our simple exchange the way I remember staying up late into the night whispering and giggling with my sister and my closest friend and now my daughters. Thomas knows me and he trusts me so he leans in to listen. It’s such a simple thing to give your attention to someone, yet we struggle profoundly with this; and our struggle extends to God, our Heavenly Father as well.

We have forgotten how to have everyday normal conversation. I’m talking about the kind of thing that happens organically in the grocery store with the person you don’t know. Making eye contact and sharing a smile. Pleasantry. Commenting on the weather or the day. Simply acknowledging that we’re both here doing the shopping so we have that in common already but I’m certain there’s more. Paying attention. Connecting. Communicating.

During my most recent visit to the local grocery, I spent a good deal of time looking up at the aisle labels and down at my list. I’ve grown unaccustomed to doing the shopping in person during pandemic. Drive up or curbside ordering was strange at first, but quickly became a normal part of my routine, especially when I was diagnosed with cancer in late 2020. Even when chemotherapy and radiation placed me in the high risk category, I still felt the need to apologize for inconveniencing the designated shopper while making small talk over my shoulder before thanking them for serving me in this way. My efforts at conversation were sometimes welcomed but not always.

Face to face conversation with eye contact is quickly becoming a forgotten art in the same way that my hand written letters have been pushed aside in favor of text or virtual chat. My children didn’t have cell phones until their teens, near driving age, but many of their friends, like todays kids, have smartphones in elementary school. These young people have been raised on electronics and though they learn intuitively to master each new device that’s introduced, most have absolutely no idea how to communicate one on one. Maintaining eye contact, shaking hands, making introductions-all the things that are such an important part of networking in the business world but also serve us well in all of life-are not being modeled or taught in most homes and schools. Common courtesy isn’t so common anymore. We’re all more than a little suspicious of our neighbors. We cannot see another’s motives so we tend to assume the worst rather than expecting the best. We tend to fear what we cannot see or do not know or understand.

This is straight from the enemy. The thief’s purpose is to kill and steal and destroy. (John 10:10)

Jesus addressed the people who believed in Him, saying, “For you are the children of your father the devil, and you love to do the evil things he does.

He was a murderer from the beginning.

He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him.

When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

John 8:44 NLT

https://bible.com/bible/116/jhn.8.44.NLT

Our enemy who deceived the first of us in a perfect garden also tempted God in human flesh in the wilderness. His tactics have not changed. He seeks to plant seeds of mistrust and suspicion, maligning the character of God and of His image-bearers. He does not have your best interests or abundant life in mind, no matter what He tries to sell. Only Jesus, who said My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life, (John 10:10) proved the depths of His love by dying a sacrificial death for the very ones who rejected Him.

“When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners.

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”

Romans 5:6, 8 NLT

https://bible.com/bible/116/rom.5.6-8.NLT

“I passed on to you what was most important and what had also been passed on to me.

Christ died for our sins, just as the Scriptures said.

He was buried, and he was raised from the dead on the third day, just as the Scriptures said.”

1 Corinthians 15:3-4 NLT

https://bible.com/bible/116/1co.15.4.NLT

A handshake used to mean something in the same way that passing a sandal validated a binding contract in Bible times. (Ruth 4:7) Networking meant much more a generation ago than sharing a profile on LinkedIn. Zoom interviews will never replace in person sessions for getting a feel for who a person really is under pressure.

I once met with a college admissions counselor who shared that her favorite scholarship interviews were staged as group interviews. The admissions counselors were watching not for those who shamelessly promoted themselves, but for those who readily engaged others and sought to put them at ease.

“For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters.

But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature.

Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.

For the whole law can be summed up in this one command:

“Love your neighbor as yourself.”

But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out!

Beware of destroying one another.

So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives.

Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.”

Galatians 5:13-16 NLT

https://bible.com/bible/116/gal.5.13-16.NLT

“So now I am giving you a new commandment:

Love each other.

Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.

Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.””

John 13:34-35 NLT

https://bible.com/bible/116/jhn.13.34-35.NLT

“We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us.

So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.

Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.”

1 John 3:16, 18 NLT

https://bible.com/bible/116/1jn.3.16-18.NLT

We’ve forgotten how to share common life experiences. No wonder there’s so much distrust and isolation. We’ve forgotten how much we all have in common. We’re so accustomed to looking for differences in a culture where everyone wants to stand out, be different, make a name for themselves. Instead, I choose to make much of Jesus.

“My old self has been crucified with Christ.

It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.

So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Galatians 2:20 NLT

https://bible.com/bible/116/gal.2.20.NLT

“I don’t know what it’s like to be you

You don’t know what it’s like to be me

But by the grace of God, we’ll see each other’s heart

Can you, can you relate?”

for KING & COUNTRY | RELATE (Official Lyric Video)YouTube · FOR KING + COUNTRYAug 9, 2021