Not What I Want

I experience claustrophobia in moving crowds, more particularly behind moving crowds. When the way ahead is clear, I breathe easier. When my way is blocked by a wall of humanity, even though we are all moving in the same direction, I hold my breath and make a dash for the nearest opening. Shopping malls have mostly moved out of doors where I live, but when my sister and I were teenagers, we’d spend an entire Saturday combing stores at one of the three local malls. Even then I remember willing the bodies ahead of me to move a little faster. There was no immediate threat but something in me panicked under the circumstances.

This familiar feeling welled up in me as I read Moses’s account of the Exodus. God had commanded Moses to double back and camp between the desert and the sea until Pharaoh, king of Egypt, had second thoughts about freeing his forced labor. The Israelites were bait in a trap. Sitting ducks. Until God did something truly amazing. He commanded Moses to raise the staff of God over the water and God created a dry path right through the middle of the sea, but only for Israel. All the forces of Egypt were engulfed as the walls of water suddenly returned to their place. The Bible says that when the last Israelite had reached the other side, Moses raised his hand again over the sea and the water flowed back into its place.

I’m imagining being in back if that crowd. The last Israelite.

There’s a difference between riding in the front of a roller coaster and in the back. Me? I’m a middle seat kinda gal. I definitely do not want to be the first to see over the big hill, hanging there in midair while the rest of the cars catch up. I also do not want to be the whip at the end. Who am I kidding though? I ride with my eyes closed most of the time, only peeking out mid flip or corkscrew, but never at the top of anything! Heights terrify me.

But that guy at the end of the hoard of vagrants recently released from Egypt, the one bringing up the rear- what was he feeling when the walls of water stood on either side and an endless tide of humanity lay in front? Like the tiny sandpipers that tempt the tide then run suddenly away, did he tuck tail and run, pressing impatiently into the crowd ahead? Regardless of how he felt, we know he made it through. He may have felt the splash on his backside, but he and every last Israelite crossed the sea on dry ground.

“But the people of Israel had walked through the middle of the sea on dry ground, as the water stood up like a wall on both sides.”

Exodus 14:29 NLT

https://bible.com/bible/116/exo.14.29.NLT

“Biblical revelation provides us with many things to understand, some of which will require a lifetime of learning. But it also reminds us that God has not disclosed everything (Deut. 29:29). At some point God demands our trust and obedience, not merely our evaluation and understanding.”

For The Love Of God: Day 64 • Devotional

https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/786/day/64?segment=0

We may shake our heads as we read of Israel’s stubbornness, but we’d be better served by using their stories as a mirror. God freed them and walked them to their promised land by a visible presence- a cloud by day and fire by night. Still, they tested Him at every turn. He supplied manna for food and they craved meat. They looked longingly back to their captivity time and time again when all they could see with their eyes was certain death in the desert. They thought they knew what they wanted but God knew what they needed. He knows what I need every minute of every day. He knows what you need too. He always has but that didn’t keep Adam and Eve from wanting what they wanted more than what God provided. (Genesis 3:6) Learning to want what God wants for me more than what I want for myself is always the struggle, especially when I don’t know what it is.

“What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you?

You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them.

Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it.

And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.”

James 4:1-3 NLT

https://bible.com/bible/116/jas.4.1-3.NLT

“The Lord asked Moses, “How long will these people refuse to obey my commands and instructions?

They must realize that the Sabbath is the Lord’s gift to you.

That is why he gives you a two-day supply on the sixth day, so there will be enough for two days.

On the Sabbath day you must each stay in your place. Do not go out to pick up food on the seventh day.””

Exodus 16:28-29 NLT

https://bible.com/bible/116/exo.16.28-29.NLT

Trust in God acts in obedience to His Word. Doubt only steals my peace and joy. It’s not always the easy choice and you can be certain it won’t be the most popular one, but obedience to God‘s Word yields peace which transcends understanding, (Philippians 4:7) peace, joy, and hope overflowing, (Romans 15:13) and I won’t need to worry about getting stuck behind a crowd.

“You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate.

The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way.

But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it.”

Matthew 7:13-14 NLT

https://bible.com/bible/116/mat.7.13-14.NLT

I just need to keep my eyes on Jesus (Hebrews 12:2) and put one foot in front of the other, (Psalm 119:105) praying as Jesus prayed: not what I want, what You want. Thy will be done. (Matthew 26:39,42) Come walk with me. Even when the path ahead is rocky and the way seems unclear, we will never be alone! God has promised never to leave or forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5) He will be with us to the very end. (Matthew 28:20)