My portacath was the last visible sign of my cancer treatment. Radiation acted on my internal organs in a way I’ll never see with my eyes. Chemotherapy traveling through my bloodstream accessed every cell in my body, targeting stray cancer cells wherever they tried to hide. Multiple scars on my abdomen are visual reminders of …
Smell The Color Nine*
What does cancer look like? What does it smell like, or taste like or feel like? To me, it feels like melting and it smells like the inside of an N95 mask during a four hour chemotherapy session. Even after I’m home and the mask is off, it’s the metallic taste that coats my tongue; …
Stay on the Path
I duck my head to avoid the low hanging branches and catch a spider’s web across my face. A few weeks ago, the leaf canopy was invisible; the #path bright with sunlight. Now sunlight dances across the darkened #path as saplings, weighted with spring leaves, lean in to greedily soak in the sun’s rays. These …
Still Standing
Wise Man And The Foolish Man - YouTube Music The wise man built his house upon the rock The wise man built his house upon the rock The wise man built his house upon the rock And the rains came tumbling down The rains came down and the floods came up The rains came down …
Seen and Known
When I ask my husband about his day and give the lengthy, detailed account of my own, I am seeking to share something more than facts. We all long for connection on a deeper level because we are spiritual beings at heart. Our flesh and bone exteriors are fairly sturdy and resilient, but they are …
Walking Down Briers
When I received my cancer diagnosis and we found that I would need radiation and chemotherapy before having surgery to remove my tumor, my husband began walking with me and the Danes twice daily, weather-permitting, to keep my heart healthy for surgery. Our community has many well-groomed walking trails, but Paul began cutting a trail …
The Right Emojis
When my daughter and her husband were dating, they texted long distance while he was away at college during the week and visited on weekends. They both had Apple smartphones so they regularly used emojis in their messages, and not those manufactured using punctuation creatively. According to Siri Knowledge, emojis originated in Japan and are …
If Only
My mind runs ahead of me all day everyday. As I’m washing dishes or folding laundry, eating my breakfast or driving, if I’m not engaged in conversation (and sometimes even when I am) I am thinking ahead. I’m making plans with contingencies for every possibility I can imagine. When everything is going according to plan, …
Keeping Appointments
In the early weeks after my cancer diagnosis, I endured multiple doctors’ appointments each week. Once my radiation began last November, I visited the cancer center daily, five days a week, excepting weekends and holidays for twenty-eight days. Chemotherapy meant seeing the doctor and having labs drawn on Monday, a four hour session in the …
Ice Cream For Breakfast
Thanksgiving means huge meals with all the family favorites, which unfortunately don’t come with labels. Potluck, for me this year, is like playing Russian Roulette with my insides! Since my cancer surgeries this past summer, my digestive system has been a little quirky. Suffice it to say, I’ve become aware of things that are necessary …
A Fitting Reply 