I spent Sunday morning in the emergency room at my local hospital being evaluated for any and everything that may have caused floaters to appear abruptly in my right eye. After observing no facial drooping, having me extend first one arm and leg and then the other and comparing my grip strength, the triage nurse placed me in a room where dye was used to check for corneal abrasions. Nothing. Pressure in both my eyes was normal. Ultrasound showed evidence of a vitreous hemorrhage. Blood had seeped into the fluid inside my eye but without an ophthalmologist in house to dilate and examine the retina, I was sent home to schedule a follow up within twenty-four hours.
Turns out, the gelatinous substance that supports our eyeballs liquifies as we age so that the appearance of floaters is not that uncommon or unexpected. If this all sounds alien to you then you are not alone. What I am still seeing is merely a shadow of particles suspended in the liquid of my inner eye but it obscures the vision in my right eye.
Unless things worsen suddenly, I am expected to adjust, to learn to ignore this migrating blackness directly in the field of vision of my right eye, and what’s more, this could happen any day at any time in my left eye as well. Sound unnerving and even unacceptable to you? Then you have a vague idea of how I feel at the moment. Hearing that this usually happens around age sixty makes me wonder if my internist was planning to tell me about this possibility during an upcoming visit? I seriously doubt it.
There are experiences about which nobody warns you, either because they do not know or have never experienced it or they assume you never will, I suppose. I know as a parent I tried desperately to shield my children from the dangers I faced unprepared. I wanted them to be aware of situations they might face but even more so I hoped and prayed that they might grow to know and rely on God’s great love for them and trust in His sovereignty and His Spirit’s leading because I know that only God can anticipate their every need and He is always with them.
“O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
You see me when I travel and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord.
You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!”
Psalms 139:1-6 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/psa.139.1-5.NLT
We each have a variety of life experiences that form us and often define us for better or worse. These stories belong to us and they need to be told. They bind us to others who have shared similar experiences. This is one of the reasons our stories are so vitally important. We are designed by God to crave connection with one another and ultimately with Him. I remember when my children were small. Every outing to the park, no matter how tedious, was life-giving in that I returned not feeling so very alone and disconnected. Other moms were living through similar scenarios, sleepless nights with a colicky newborn, tantrums or night terrors, and separation anxiety. My circumstances did not change when I returned home but I was comforted in the sharing.
I share my story with you, my reader, and with those I encounter daily to foster connection, to encourage and to be encouraged, and to point beyond myself to the only One in whom everything finds meaning and purpose. Though I cannot imagine at this moment how I will learn to function with one eye focusing on particles in my inner eye while the other attempts business as usual, I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I am to succeed, I will be relying on help from God who knit me together in my mother’s womb.
“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”
Psalm 139:14 ESV
https://bible.com/bible/59/psa.139.14.ESV
If someone had warned me that this could happen, would I have listened? What could I have done to prevent it? Maybe nothing. So what good does it do to share? Someone may feel led to pray for me to experience healing. Someone else may be relieved that they are not suffering alone. Still another may have advice or encouragement to offer. Too often, we hesitate to open up with each other, keeping our conversations superficial and safe. By shielding ourselves, we forfeit a major benefit of belonging to God’s family by faith in Christ. As brothers and sisters, we can depend on each other, especially in difficult situations, and when we keep trusting God together, the world sees Jesus.
“How are your eyes?” my friend asked over the phone. “How did you know?” I asked, puzzled. Obviously I’m still learning.
“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.
When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/2co.1.3-4.NLT
“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you his peace at all times and in every situation.
The Lord be with you all.”
2 Thessalonians 3:16 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/2th.3.16.NLT
“Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.”
Galatians 6:2 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/gal.6.2.NLT
Goodness of God ~CeCe Winans https://youtu.be/-AwLTeMyq20?is=RtaFK4pBU_PNkx8q
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